new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
