This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I currently don't understand fingers.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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