if i died would you start the facebook group?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
