whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
