Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
