i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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