Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You smell like stripper and shame
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
