I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
