you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
