I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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