He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
