I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize