I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
