six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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