swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
