: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize