no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
