Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
