Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
