I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize