Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
