White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize