I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i've created a new STD.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
