I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
