When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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