You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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