There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
