You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
