C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize