i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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