u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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