You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
