I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
