he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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