I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
