i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
