I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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