where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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