So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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