If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
