I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
