In the future we'll all be gay
i love accidental penises.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
