tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
