Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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