hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
