so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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