We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
