I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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