I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
