thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
