I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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