Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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