Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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