Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
