I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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