can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
