Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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