found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
