I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize