Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
