we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
