It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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