Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
