4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
