Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
