I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
