guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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