He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
